How I long to hear the words “It’s alright. All will be fine.”..
Sometimes those are the only words I need to hear. Even if it’s just something to comfort me. Sometimes I just want to be assured.
..I really hate the way I think..
Blue Rose's Realm
"When they said that life is unfair, they didn't know what they were saying."
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Matilda was left alone. That was how she liked it.
(Source: thelostie)
How I long to hear the words “It’s alright. All will be fine.”..
Sometimes those are the only words I need to hear. Even if it’s just something to comfort me. Sometimes I just want to be assured.
..I really hate the way I think..
I know I declared that I won’t be using this blog anymore. But in times like this, I really need a place where I can pour my heart out.
Being in this house is hell. The situations and events here make me wish I don’t grow up. It’s tiring and painful to walk home everyday, knowing that I’ll go home into a house full of problems and immoralities.
Seeing how each person treats one another further increases my fear in making choices. In trusting. In living. But it’s not like they know. Of course I won’t let them know…
At times, I want to go out and search for a place where I can certainly feel that everything will be alright. A place where I am given value and respect. Where my opinions are important and considered. And yes, I once thought I found that place.. But right now, it seems to me it’s another cave. From this hellish cave down to a new one.. It’s as if my value depends on how much I am needed and to what extent can people use me…
I guess I won’t be surprised if one day the people I value throw me out or push me away. It’s something natural. Something expected.. When the day comes and I can no longer function as efficiently as people want me or expect me to, I would be thrown, replaced..
I just.. I just want to disappear.. …
nope. what’s it about?
I’ve finally decided to delete this blog and make a new one. So for those who are following me, don’t worry, I’ll be following you using my new blog. Goodbye! It has been so nice to be able to share my sentiments with you guys. ^.^
At times I just want to stare blankly on the wall. Or on the mirror. At times it’s as if trying to stop myself from thinking is the best thing I could do. But then again, I couldn’t, even if I wanted to.
As of this time, I’m tied in knots. There’s this peace within me, an assurance assuring me of something I know nothing about. But there’s also sadness and grief. Is this peace the answer to the war within me? Or is this for something yet to come?
Trials are here and there. Moments of reflections also come. But my mind and heart is honestly tired. For once I just want to have fun. Have even just one day that I don’t have to think about anything but myself and the fun I’m having. But I guess that’s one thing about fun. About joy. One can’t really attain these “undisturbed” happy moments. There will always be something that neutralizes us the moment we come to believe we are happy.
I wonder how it feels to sleep for so many days.. With myself, wanting to wake up but can’t. Would it feel the same? Would I feel the same way I do every time I decide to declare my happiness yet things would come to tear me down?
"There are those who have the talent, there are also those who have the confidence. As for me, I only have God and my prayers."
It’s when a person starts waking up and stops all the petty dreams. It’s when one learns to walk away and fight back the tears.
It’s when all the lies end and all the promises are broken.
It’s when numbness takes over and the pains step aside.
It’s when the rose grows a thorn.
It’s when the empress loses her crown.
***